Heaven, Hell, and God

If one man is laying at the bottom of the ocean and a 2nd man is laying under only a few feet of water----both of the men will die from lack of air in the same amount of time.
On the other hand, the odds of reaching the air (if he moves in the right direction) are much better for the 2nd man, because he is closer to the surface.
When compared to this, I suppose negating things to come closer to God is a good thing.
What I was wondering is---do you think anyone could see God and continue to live in this world?
I don't think so.
At least, that was the impression that I got.
Which is why, when I was 7, I abruptly ended my search for God and NEVER tried that particular thing again.
(Although I have thought about it a lot since then, and am obviously still thinking about it....).
Here is what happened:
When the teacher said "Before anything ever was, God is" -- I thought this meant that I could just go backwards in my memory and find God.
So, after I got home from school that day, I sat down and focused on "unthinking" everything I knew.
First, I unthought my memory of family and friends.
Then, I unthought my memory of the world (which I didn't know that much about anyway).
Then, I unthought my memory of the moon and the stars and the sky.
Without much difficulty, everything soon vanished from my mind and suddenly there was "nothing" everywhere.
I thought I had found God
Until the thought came and said, "No. This is not God. You are still here. You go and then you will know."
I felt myself start to disappear.
I was still so intent on finding God, I was willing to let go.
BUT, then the awful thought stepped in.
It said, "If you go, who will think you back? You will be gone forever. Everything will be gone forever."
That's when everything changed ..
My 100 % focus on finding God changed abruptly --- to a 100% focus on saving myself.
And as soon as my thoughts turned to me, that's when I realized that I was totally and completely alone, out in the middle of nowhere.
In a complete state of terror, I started to scream...
If there is such a thing as "hell" that would be it---existing in nowhere---and not being able to recognize God even though God is there.
What is the point in being if "being" is nowhere surrounded by nothing? How awful is that?
Because I was afraid of losing myself, instead of finding God, that's where I ended up.
Lucky for me, as soon as I screamed everything that I knew reappeared.
I was sitting in the exact same position, in my house surrounded by all the material things that I knew and loved.
My father came running in, and all I could keep saying was "I'm afraid! I'm afraid."
And when he asked me what I was afraid of, I cried, "I'm afraid of Nothing!"
Which made no sense to anyone at all but me. I sounded like a crazy person.
When I went back to school the next day and told my teacher what happened, she said, "Don't ever think that way again. Those thoughts must have come from the devil, because God does not rape little children."
WHAT?
I slept with the light on for many years after that, thinking the devil was after me.
As a result, for the past 45 years, I have thought about God, read stories about God, and tried to write about God....
I have done everything but try to return to God on the path I used before.
Drawn to God and running from God at the same time; trapped between love and fear, I am.
Because of that one experience, I KNOW there is a God ( without any doubt in my mind).
I also know that a person will not go to a heaven or hell because of adherence to one religion or the other.